Jeff Ventura - surprisingly has never been called 'Ace' before.

I'm Comic Sans, asshole

A short, imagined monologue by Mike Lacher by way of McSweeney's:

You don't like that your coworker used me on that note about stealing her yogurt from the break room fridge? You don't like that I'm all over your sister-in-law's blog? You don't like that I'm on the sign for that new Thai place? You think I'm pedestrian and tacky? Guess the fuck what, Picasso. We don't all have seventy-three weights of stick-up-my-ass Helvetica sitting on our seventeen-inch MacBook Pros. Sorry the entire world can't all be done in stark Eurotrash Swiss type.

Purveyors of Outlook-based smileys everywhere, rejoice.

Markets in everything: lost and found competition

The best sign I've seen in some time.  Go free market, right?

(Via Chris)

How genetics works

Much easier than Punnett squares.

(via kottke)


How to Shovel Fucking Snow

Put on a hat and gloves. Next, throw on a light jacket. Not too heavy moron; you're going to get sweaty. Also, it's gotta be loose so nothing you bought at H&M. Armani? ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME? Next slam your feet into your boots. No, WITH PURPOSE. What, you don't have boots?! (Rolls eyes). Okay, put on your Aldo dress shoes and put each foot into a few tall plastic bags, doubling or tripling up. Duct tape those fuckers on around your calves. You do have calves, don't you? Yell to nobody in the house in particular, "I'm going out to shovel!
via theawl.com

I laughed like an idiot through this entire thing. If you do too, I strongly suggest How To Cook a Fucking Steak, also by the fine folks at The Awl.