Here's your winner, from Ann Sensenbrenner:

One night after a long day of campaigning, when the haters had made my spirits reach a nadir, I looked into Todd's eyes, which were as blue as the stripes on Old Glory, and too representing truth and loyalty, and he looked back at me with a twinkle of determination which I hadn't seen since I told him my goal of having another baby in my fifties and naming it Tron, then did I know for sure that I could carry on, like he, and we, have done together all of these years on this long, Iron Dog race of a marriage that is at once grueling and celestial, onerous and majestic.

Although I have to say I still find this runner up funnier.

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From Colombus, OH:

On November 20, 2009, at a Borders bookstore in Columbus, Ohio, Sarah Palin held a book signing event in support of "Going Rogue". Palin's supporters wanted her to run for the presidency, but they weren't exactly sure what she'd do as president. Short on specifics, most of them were uncertain what her policy positions are. They just felt that they liked her. She's "real". And that the solution to all of our country's problems—health care, energy, the deficit, unemployment, and the economy—was to cut taxes and lower spending, and Palin, they said, would solve them by doing just that.

From Grand Rapids, MI:

Today is one of those days when I truly feel we're trending towards Idiocracy.

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I’ve contended from day one that Palin is a huge reason why McCain wasn’t competitive during this election, and I know at least four people – all lifelong conservatives – who voted Obama because Palin was on the ticket.

Now, in the aftermath of the landslide defeat, we have Fox News (of all sources) bringing to light the story of the infighting between McCain’s staff and Palin’s, especially that of the handlers assigned by McCain to try to coach Idiot McYoubetcha into halfway reasonable interviews with the MSM.

The terrifying thing here isn’t that she didn’t know Africa was a continent or what countries made up NAFTA; no, what’s mind-boggling is that the “energized Republican base” is really fired up about this mewling dummy and is encouraging her to run in 2012.  For President.

Seriously: what has become of the GOP?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWZHTJsR4Bc]

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Recently, Sarah Palin gave a speech in which she said:

Where does a lot of that earmark money end up anyway? […] You’ve heard about some of these pet projects they really don’t make a whole lot of sense and sometimes these dollars go to projects that have little or nothing to do with the public good. Things like fruit fly research in Paris, France. I kid you not.

I am appalled. This idiot woman, this blind, shortsighted ignoramus, this pretentious clod, mocks basic research and the international research community. You damn well better believe that there is research going on in animal models — what does she expect, that scientists should mutagenize human mothers and chop up baby brains for this work? — and countries like France and Germany and England and Canada and China and India and others are all respected participants in these efforts. Yes, scientists work on fruit flies. Some of the most powerful tools in genetics and molecular biology are available in fruit flies, and these are animals that are particularly amenable to experimentation. Molecular genetics has revealed that humans share key molecules, the basic developmental toolkit, with all other animals, thanks to our shared evolutionary heritage (something else the wackaloon from Wasilla denies), and that we can use these other organisms to probe the fundamental mechanisms that underlie core processes in the formation of the nervous system — precisely the phenomena Palin claims are so important. This is where the Republican party has ended up: supporting an ignorant buffoon who believes in the End Times and speaking in tongues while deriding some of the best and most successful strategies for scientific research. In this next election, we've got to choose between the 21^st century rationalism and Dark Age inanity. It ought to be an easy choice.

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Ah yes, Ronald Regan would be proud of what has become of conservatism.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itEucdhf4Us]

(via Chris)

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Thomas Friedman in his latest op-ed:

And we have not yet even felt the full economic brunt here. I fear we may be at that moment just before the tsunami hits — when the birds take flight and the insects stop chirping because their acute senses can feel what is coming before humans can. At this moment, only good governance can save us. I am not sure that this crisis will end without every government in every major economy guaranteeing the creditworthiness of every financial institution it regulates. That may be the only way to get lending going again. Organizing something that big and complex will take some really smart governance and seasoned leadership.

Whether or not I agree with John McCain, he is of presidential timber. But putting the country in the position where a total novice like Sarah Palin could be asked to steer us through possibly the most serious economic crisis of our lives is flat out reckless. It is the opposite of conservative.

What’s bothering me the most is that so many people are treating Palin like a celebrity, a strange offshoot of our infatuation with American Idol and manufactured fame.  I’ve have heard a half dozen times, in completely sober conversations, that someone is voting for Palin because she’s attractive, because she’s a MILF, because they love her “Say it ain’t so Joe!” down-home catchphrases and provocative winks.  These people, one month prior, had never heard the same “Sarah Palin” in their lives.  Now, suddenly, they root for her emphatically.

That’s simply stunning to me.  These statements coming from accomplished men and women who would otherwise stringently interview someone in great detail for a middle manager job at their companies, yet seem to have no problem granting the VP of the United States title to someone who has little more than nice hair and a homey drawl.  Politics as a genre is bullshit-infested, but this not only takes the bullshittery to another level, but also celebrates it.

And it seems so many people just don’t care.

Unfortunately, now is the time to care, because people are demanding real leadership, someone who can calm and galvanize and keep his head on straight during the storm, and I see nothing of that from McCain/Palin.  I see erratic behavior, half-implemented political ploys – “I’m flying to Washington and not leaving until there is a plan!” (He left.) “I’m cancelling the debate until our economic crisis is solved!” (He debated.) “I’m suspending my campaign to focus on our country’s economic crisis!” (He didn’t suspend his campaign.) – and a VP candidate who is literally the very symbol of everything that’s wrong with us right now – an avatar of our obsession with image, with fame, with celebrity, with the underdog, no matter how unqualified.

Great meme for movies.  Inconceivably ignorant for politics and navigating out of where our country is right now.

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Tonight’s debate is, like America’s future, all about Reduced Expectations. If Sarah Palin manages to remember what office she’s running for, she will have “managed expectations.” If Joe Biden manages to make it through the night without calling Gwen Ifill a “gorgeous negress,” he will have beaten his debilitating gaffe addiction. But what about the other 90 minutes of bullshit? Let’s make it fun — or hazy, at least — by taking a drink off your wine or beer when the following occurs:

• PALIN evades a question by mentioning state rights.
• BIDEN says he takes the train home every day.
• PALIN fills time by listing all her kids, by their ridiculous names.
• BIDEN talks about Scranton.
• PALIN blames Iraq for 9/11.
• BIDEN blames McCain for 9/11.
• PALIN says “like” as a White Trash discourse particle or interjection.
• BIDEN audibly laughs at Palin.
• PALIN stares blankly when she can’t answer a question.
• BIDEN makes a sarcastic joke that goes right over Palin’s head, along with about half the viewers.
• PALIN says anything comically retarded about Russia or Canada.

LIGHTNING BONUS ROUND:

The following situations call for One (1) Shot of Liquor:

• PALIN doesn’t know what FDIC or SEC stand for.
• BIDEN admits to plagiarizing the Constitution.
• PALIN admits to dealing meth.
• BIDEN references Palin’s stump speech insult — where she claims she’s been hearing about Biden’s Senate speeches since she was in second grade — by saying there’s no evidence Sarah Palin ever made it second grade.
• GWEN IFILL asks Sarah Palin about incestuous rape.
• PALIN insults Biden for having hair plugs.
• BIDEN calls her “another tanning booth whore, and I’ve know a few.”
• PALIN says “lipstick” in any context.

Finally: Three shots and throw the glass at the teevee if:

• BIDEN calls her a “hockey pig.”
• PALIN pulls off her pantsuit to reveal a confederate-flag one-piece bathing suit, and she looks fat, and the audience boos.

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Nothing like having a fringe, young-Earth creationist a heartbeat away from the most powerful office on planet Earth.  At what point do you start to get scared, America?

Soon after Sarah Palin was elected mayor of the foothill town of Wasilla, Alaska, she startled a local music teacher by insisting in casual conversation that men and dinosaurs coexisted on an Earth created 6,000 years ago -- about 65 million years after scientists say most dinosaurs became extinct -- the teacher said.

[…]

Palin told him that "dinosaurs and humans walked the Earth at the same time," Munger said. When he asked her about prehistoric fossils and tracks dating back millions of years, Palin said "she had seen pictures of human footprints inside the tracks," recalled Munger, who teaches music at the University of Alaska in Anchorage and has regularly criticized Palin in recent years on his liberal political blog, called Progressive Alaska.

Sam Harris is right: there is a mad love of mediocrity in this country.

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If this isn’t one of the most convoluted, rambling, half-nonsensical position statements ever issued by a politician, I don’t know what is.  Nevermind the fact that she’s trying to push the position that if a girl is raped by her father, she should have the baby.  In fact, Palin thinks it should be illegal not to have the baby (but she doesn’t believe it should be punishable).

(Read that last sentence again and tell me if you can find the catch.)

Sarah Palin is the best thing that ever happened to Katie Couric.  Palin’s a quote-generating machine.  So much so, you can get your very own inane Sara Palin quote with the click of a button.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v77WekmM8F8]

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